A Simple Childhood

My sister and I at our Grandma's house.

Growing up, I lived very differently from how children live today.  No, there weren't the cell phones and gaming systems such as we have today.  (Yes, I did have an Atari at one point.)  When I think back to my childhood, I remember being outside.  I remember Grandma's farm.  I remember walking the fence-line while reading a book.  I remember taking my Barbie dolls outside for adventures.  I built forts with my uncle, who is only a few years older than me.  We built forts out of snow, out of chairs and blankets, and even in haylofts.  We build forts everywhere, inside and outside.

I have two sisters, but one is much younger than me.  Most of my memories growing up were with me and my other sis, the one close to my age.  We grew up in the seventies and eighties, for the most part.  Our lives were very different from today.  We didn't have a lot of money in our family, and yet we didn't feel poor until we compared ourselves and our possessions to the kids at school.

We didn't have much, but we didn't always realize it.

Our vacations as kids were not extravagant and only happened a couple of times.  We would pile in Grandpa's station wagon and go to the campground about fifteen minutes away to swim in their pond.  If we went out to eat, it was a special day, because it happened so rarely.

Our "fancy times" were with a grandmother.  She would take us every summer for a week or so.  She would plan for our visit and have a schedule of things to do.  We would sleep in her back bedroom, that smelled of old books and sunshine. We would go shopping, which didn't happen very often in our lives.  I don't think I went to the mall as a child except when Grandma took us.  Grandma would take us to plays and concerts, movies and restaurants.  I laugh now because my sister, no matter how fancy the restaurant, always ordered a grilled cheese.

Grandma's Painting of her Farm

We didn't take lessons all summer or participate in this structured activity and that community activity.  We helped our other Grandma in the garden and played with our cousins.  If we were lucky, and there was money, we might go to an amusement park or the fair.  Summer was a time where we could escape our world.  It didn't matter if we had new clothes at Grandma's farm.  We were only limited by our imaginations, and we played hour upon hour in the toasty sun.  We would go fishing, and I remember catching fish, but I hated fish and would never eat them. The sheets would be flapping on the clothesline, and the dogs would be chasing passing cars.  It was a time in my life where I felt free.

Do kids get that today?  Do they have months of playing outside?  Do they use their imaginations and climb trees and fall into books?  Do they build forts? 

Some do.  Some are too busy taking summer school and lessons and camps and this activity and that activity.  There is nothing wrong with any of those things, in moderation, but the reality is that kids need time to be kids.  I was a kid.  I had summers to play and escape.  My family didn't have a lot of money, and in a way that was a blessing.  My family couldn't afford all the structured things, but I had all of outside.  I had books everywhere because my grandmothers liked to read. I had time to discover the world around me, the spiders and the new kittens in the barn and the snakes that scared the life out of me.  I had mulberry trees to climb, and often came back with hands and face stained with mulberry juice.

I wonder how much the rise in ADHD levels correlates with the decrease in time outside.  Kids are meant to be kids.

Even the experts are telling parents that children need more time in unstructured play.   There is even a movement of parents practicing what has been labeled "Free Range Parenting."  Free Range Parenting is just parents raising their kids more closely to how they were raised, with less supervision and more time to learn how to be independent.  I probably am not a free-range parent, but I don't fit into the helicopter parenting style, either.  If I had a farm to send my child to every summer, I would.  There is something special about having space and time to be outside, wild and free.  But, since I don't, there are parks and hiking trails and even the grassy yard behind my apartment complex.

My children have occasionally been involved in structured activities.  We had some sports, some theater.  They were involved in school activities when they were in public school.  This summer my youngest daughter will participate in a musical theater production.  She enjoys performing.  She will also be a part of the local library's Summer Reading Program.  We have a lot of plans for this summer.  We have a lot of things we want to accomplish.  Swimming, hiking, being together as a family, enjoying special occasions, such as one of my daughters getting married.  What I don't want is a summer full of stress and rushing and planned activities that leave me feeling like I need a vacation from our summer vacation.

For a long time I felt that because I grew up without a lot, I had missed out in my childhood.  The reality is that I hadn't missed much.  I had a great childhood.  No, I didn't have the finer things in life.  Like I said, if I went out to eat twice a year, I felt special.  And yet, I had a mom that made me play outside.   I had a grandma with a small farm.  I had another grandma with a love of culture and a desire to expose her grandchildren.  I had time to read and run and play and create.  Considering the way many kids are over-scheduled today, or spend hours a day inside playing video games or watching television, I think my childhood was excellent.

I want something similar for my children.  I did okay with the older ones, but I have noticed that it gets more and more difficult to counter all the technology today.  It gets more challenging to come up with unstructured time for kids to be kids.  There is a race in many parents to prepare their children for adulthood, and organized activities seem to be the method of doing so.  I see a lot of parents give their child all the "stuff" that they didn't have when they were children.  The result is that we have children that know how to play baseball and football, but not how to entertain themselves.  We have children that can win their video games and program a computer, but can't cook. I think, as parents, we may have a lot of things backwards in this preparation for adulthood.

This isn't about teaching responsibility.  Chores are still a good predictor of adult success.  This isn't about not disciplining your child.  It is about giving them a freedom to be a child before it is too late.  Most of the memories from my childhood on Grandma's farm or in my backyard at home help to soothe the ones of disappointments or hurts that also occurred in my childhood.  It was a chance to put off growing up too fast, as often happens in children when parents have a rough time.  I can still remember sitting on the hill at Grandma's and watching the sunset over the cornfield.  I can remember the smell of the summer breeze and the sound of the crickets and cicadas.

Part of this blog is about being purposeful in our choices.  How ironic is it to be purposeful about unscheduled time?  Just like being purposeful about spending time together as a family or purposeful about living more simply, it takes being purposeful about giving our children free time to just be.  And while it may seem that children are wasting time when they are building yet another Lego creation or running like little madmen around the park, this is the time when they can simply be children.  They will have their entire adult lives to be grown-ups.

I May be Overweight But...

  

We went hiking today.  It was my husband, our ten year old daughter, my little dog, and me.  Hiking is something that my husband and I both discovered we enjoyed a couple of years ago. 

For me, it can be challenging.  I am not athletic.  I'm not fit.  I'm not even thin.  I'm overweight.  After years of metabolic problems, losing weight is challenging.  I'm even on a ketogenic diet right now, and the results have been minimal. 

I am active.  I walk for miles daily.  

My husband is in shape and healthy.  He is active and doesn't gain weight.  In fact, he will run hypoglycemic level blood sugars if he skips meals.  Keeping up with him on a hike can be a challenge.

 

But I don't want to miss out on family time or the adventure of hiking new trails because I'm not where I want to be physically. Yes, it is hard.  My feet swell and my knees ache. I am out of breath with inclines and steps.  Steps are evil!  

My time with my family is limited.  I've been battling weight and health issues for years, and my insecurity has kept me, at times, from enjoying family adventures like I should.  I have spent a long time feeling very aware of how I look.  I was not heavy for the first three decades of my life.  I remember being smaller, thinner, more fit.  I can compare my insecurities and feelings about myself then and now, and the difference is drastic. 

 

Three of my daughters are now adults.  My fourth is nearly there.  Time goes by so fast.  Moments with my last child, also a girl, will pass by quickly.  I don't want her memories of me to be that her mom was unhealthy and didn't go hiking or swimming (eek!) with her.  I want her to remember me being by her side, tackling the muddy hill and getting dirty with her, as we did today.  

 

I am working on my health.  I have researched and researched, and am making progress.  It may be at a snail's pace, but it is progress nonetheless.  My goal isn't to be thin and garner attention for my looks.  My goal is to hike with my family without being out of breath.  My goal is to live a life WITH my kids, not sitting on the sidelines watching them live life without me. 

 

So, if you see a mom on the trails, struggling a little, give her a smile and encourage her.  It can be embarrassing to struggle on activities others handle with ease.  And know this:  The memories she makes with her family are worth any struggle.

 

Simplicity for Health

Chaos.  Complicated.  Tense.  Busy.  These were words that filled my life.  At times, they still do.  I am diligently pushing to limit them.  While I still have a busy schedule at times, I have learned that the chaotic life I have lived in my past made me ill.

In America, there is an epidemic of autoimmune issues in women.  Many of these are linked to hormones.  While there are many causes, such as diet and genetic factors, one factor is lifestyles.  We women like to push ourselves to do and have everything.  The stress builds and builds, flooding our system with cortisol and adrenaline, damaging our bodies over time.  

I did this to myself.  I let situations, many of which were out of my control, get to me. I stressed about whether I was doing enough in homeschooling.  I stressed about our meager finances.  I stressed about my children's health... with good reason.  I stressed about the safety of a child in danger.  In fact, it consumed me.  I stressed about conflicts with loved ones. I stressed about how to fix the house that we had bought that had turned out to be a huge money pit and was making us sick with an unseen mold issue. I over-scheduled myself, and lived a stressed-out existence of trying to do it all.  I stressed... and stressed and stressed...  until I started developing health issues.

Now, as this middle-aged Mom of five and grandma to one, I can't do the stress.  When life begins to pile in the stress now, my body doesn't respond well.  I get anxiety.  I break out in hives at times.  I feel unwell as muscles ache and blood pressure rises.  

And so, the last couple of years have brought about a desire in me to simplify, to reduce stress.  I am slowly reducing clutter.  I have downsized my responsibilities.  I signed up for college, which actually increased my responsibilities, but is also me chasing a dream I have had for years.  I am purposely trying to slow down.  I am purposely giving stuff to God in prayer instead of thinking I can fix it myself if I just try hard enough.

Because I can't fix it... whatever or whoever it is (yes, I said who).   Most of the things I long to fix are not my responsibility to fix.

Busy is glorified and worshiped in life.  It's as if so many people know that they only have one life, and so they fill it with chasing after all they can.  They chase after stuff and fill their lives with things.  And then they find that their health is not what it should be, and one problem becomes two and three.  I have done that.  I don't want that any longer.  I don't want to be so busy that I hurt my loved ones because I don't have time for them.  I don't want to be so busy that I miss moments that are timeless.

I had the career when I was younger that took me away from loved ones.  I have been the one focused on all the injustice that I wanted to fix.  I have been the one doing, doing, doing until I had nothing left inside me because I never got the opportunity to refill and refresh.  I have been the one worried about what others think of me, to the point that I was deeply wounded when I discovered that they didn't think of me much at all.  I've reacted in anger, consoled myself with food, and lost myself in the hope that if I was different somehow I would be found worthy in the eyes of others.

Let me tell you, I wasn't.  I wasn't the first one picked to hang with most of the time.  But those few friends that I have developed over the years?  They are life-long, no matter the physical distance between us.  They are usually introspective and a bit introverted... like me.  

The good news is that many others are seeing life the way I am seeing it.  They have done the busy, stress-filled life, and bought the things, and have found themselves empty.  They have weathered economic downturns and realized how quickly all their work for things could be gone like chaff in the wind.  They have made themselves physically ill with their lifestyle.

Of course, not everyone has learned these lessons.  Some still believe material things are the blessings of God.  They don't say it, because they know it sounds ridiculous, but they live it.  But you know what?  I don't care.  I don't have to fix them or make them agree with me.  I am not going to stress about it (see?  I can improve!).

A simple life is a beautiful thing.  When we stop glorifying busy and start being thankful to God for what we have, content to live a slower life, filled less with stuff and less doing and less stress, and more relationships and more real food and more prayer and more laughter and more trust in God, then we will find our true life.  For me, as for many, this is about my health.  It is about my mental ans spiritual health, but also about my very physical health.  I know that if I don't do this, I will get sicker and sicker. 

Unconventional Beginnings

One of my Homeschool Blog Headers

I have been blogging at Home Mission Field since October 2008.  In that blog I have documented all these past years of homeschooling.  It has been quite the adventure, beginning with one third grader and eventually graduating two students, with two more still a part of my homeschool "experiment."  It has been a journey that has led me in many different directions.  Homeschooling has been a vital part of the growth of my faith.  When nothing else seemed to make sense, when my circumstances were falling apart around me, my homeschool was a stable force in my life.  It kept me moving forward.


And move is an apt term.  Change has been a large part of our lives over the years.  We moved from one learning style to another.  We moved around various curriculum options as I tried this and that and more.  We literally moved three years ago, relocating to a different town and downsizing.  Even now, we are moving our purpose, transitioning as we adjust to less children (three have grown) and new challenges.  We have moved from a child-focused ministry and home (children's church teachers and five children at home) to a more balanced home where my husband and I can pursue other passions.

My Five Daughters (and grandson)

It has been a wild ride.  When my husband and I met, I had two daughters and he had one.  We had another together a few months after we were married.  A few years later, we added yet another daughter.  That's right!  We have five daughters between us!  My husband and I have been married for nearly eighteen years.  About seven years into our marriage, my husband and I became Christians.  That was a pivotal moment in our lives.  A couple of years later I felt led to homeschool.  Eventually all except one of our daughters would be homeschooled.

Our four oldest girls when we were a newly blended family.

Tasha, my first homeschool graduate

So... why "Unconventional Catherine?" 

Many of the choices I have made in life are unconventional.  Synonyms of the word unconventional are eccentric, individualistic, and atypical.  I tend to march to my own beat.  I don't often fit in the way I wish I did.  I would rather read a book than go to a party.  I like learning and studying.  I am pretty authentic in who I am. I did a lot of things backwards in my life, like going to college after most of my children are grown.  I tend to be very passionate about my values and interests.  And, say what you want about "Christianity," it is not popular to follow Jesus as it was traditionally.  In fact, to truly follow Jesus is getting to be more and more unconventional.

It may be more of a norm for parents to homeschool their children now than in the past, but it is still only pursued by a small portion of the population.  The number of homeschooling families is growing, but the conventional ways to educate children still are mostly the local public school or maybe a private school.  I have homeschooled a child with learning disabilities.  My youngest daughter has ADHD.  My kids are intelligent, but learning isn't always smooth sailing.  These struggles have taught me much as a teacher and as a mother.

We had a large family by today's standards, and there were a lot of lessons learned in blending two families and dealing with unique circumstances we faced.  It is more conventional to have blended families today, but it still presents unique challenges.  Even in blended families, most parents don't have five children under one roof.  We managed, and even took in a couple of other young people when they needed a place to stay. 

My husband and I are growing slowly more and more minimalistic in our views about the world.  This is also a bit unconventional, even if it is gaining popularity.  We have never had a large income, but after five children, we have seen how overwhelming stuff can be.  It has been a slow process as we have simplified much of our lives in waves.  Decluttering is only a small part of the process.  We have simplified our obligations.  As children have grown, we have simplified our finances (or tried to).  With this new blog, I am simplifying my writing.  I have actually kept two blogs for a long time.  I have kept The Home Mission Field for my homeschooling adventures and According to His Purpose for posts about my faith and things in my life, such as my health.  I am going to keep those blogs for now, until I see the direction of this one.  The homeschool blog is a treasure trove of memories from the past nine years.  I don't want to delete any of the posts.

Am I truly unconventional?  I hope so.  I don't want to be normal.  The fact that I don't feel I fit in has been a bit of a lonely road.  Having a large family and living on one income has not helped with the "fitting in."  There have been many times when I didn't have the finances to join the group.  I am also a bit of an introvert.  I am not usually shy, but I have never been Miss Popularity either.  I discovered a few months ago that, according to the Meyers-Briggs test, I am an INFP.  When I discovered that only about four percent of the population has this personality type, it suddenly made sense on why I often felt that lonely, not fitting in feeling. 

Nature photo I took

On the other hand, I love to write.  I love to express myself with words and photos.  I am passionate about my family.  I am not afraid to be different.  And most of all, I am in love with Jesus.  This blog will be many things.  After years of blogging, this may be an unconventional beginning, a new blog to combine other blogs, but it seemed time for a fresh start.