A Simple Childhood

My sister and I at our Grandma's house.

Growing up, I lived very differently from how children live today.  No, there weren't the cell phones and gaming systems such as we have today.  (Yes, I did have an Atari at one point.)  When I think back to my childhood, I remember being outside.  I remember Grandma's farm.  I remember walking the fence-line while reading a book.  I remember taking my Barbie dolls outside for adventures.  I built forts with my uncle, who is only a few years older than me.  We built forts out of snow, out of chairs and blankets, and even in haylofts.  We build forts everywhere, inside and outside.

I have two sisters, but one is much younger than me.  Most of my memories growing up were with me and my other sis, the one close to my age.  We grew up in the seventies and eighties, for the most part.  Our lives were very different from today.  We didn't have a lot of money in our family, and yet we didn't feel poor until we compared ourselves and our possessions to the kids at school.

We didn't have much, but we didn't always realize it.

Our vacations as kids were not extravagant and only happened a couple of times.  We would pile in Grandpa's station wagon and go to the campground about fifteen minutes away to swim in their pond.  If we went out to eat, it was a special day, because it happened so rarely.

Our "fancy times" were with a grandmother.  She would take us every summer for a week or so.  She would plan for our visit and have a schedule of things to do.  We would sleep in her back bedroom, that smelled of old books and sunshine. We would go shopping, which didn't happen very often in our lives.  I don't think I went to the mall as a child except when Grandma took us.  Grandma would take us to plays and concerts, movies and restaurants.  I laugh now because my sister, no matter how fancy the restaurant, always ordered a grilled cheese.

Grandma's Painting of her Farm

We didn't take lessons all summer or participate in this structured activity and that community activity.  We helped our other Grandma in the garden and played with our cousins.  If we were lucky, and there was money, we might go to an amusement park or the fair.  Summer was a time where we could escape our world.  It didn't matter if we had new clothes at Grandma's farm.  We were only limited by our imaginations, and we played hour upon hour in the toasty sun.  We would go fishing, and I remember catching fish, but I hated fish and would never eat them. The sheets would be flapping on the clothesline, and the dogs would be chasing passing cars.  It was a time in my life where I felt free.

Do kids get that today?  Do they have months of playing outside?  Do they use their imaginations and climb trees and fall into books?  Do they build forts? 

Some do.  Some are too busy taking summer school and lessons and camps and this activity and that activity.  There is nothing wrong with any of those things, in moderation, but the reality is that kids need time to be kids.  I was a kid.  I had summers to play and escape.  My family didn't have a lot of money, and in a way that was a blessing.  My family couldn't afford all the structured things, but I had all of outside.  I had books everywhere because my grandmothers liked to read. I had time to discover the world around me, the spiders and the new kittens in the barn and the snakes that scared the life out of me.  I had mulberry trees to climb, and often came back with hands and face stained with mulberry juice.

I wonder how much the rise in ADHD levels correlates with the decrease in time outside.  Kids are meant to be kids.

Even the experts are telling parents that children need more time in unstructured play.   There is even a movement of parents practicing what has been labeled "Free Range Parenting."  Free Range Parenting is just parents raising their kids more closely to how they were raised, with less supervision and more time to learn how to be independent.  I probably am not a free-range parent, but I don't fit into the helicopter parenting style, either.  If I had a farm to send my child to every summer, I would.  There is something special about having space and time to be outside, wild and free.  But, since I don't, there are parks and hiking trails and even the grassy yard behind my apartment complex.

My children have occasionally been involved in structured activities.  We had some sports, some theater.  They were involved in school activities when they were in public school.  This summer my youngest daughter will participate in a musical theater production.  She enjoys performing.  She will also be a part of the local library's Summer Reading Program.  We have a lot of plans for this summer.  We have a lot of things we want to accomplish.  Swimming, hiking, being together as a family, enjoying special occasions, such as one of my daughters getting married.  What I don't want is a summer full of stress and rushing and planned activities that leave me feeling like I need a vacation from our summer vacation.

For a long time I felt that because I grew up without a lot, I had missed out in my childhood.  The reality is that I hadn't missed much.  I had a great childhood.  No, I didn't have the finer things in life.  Like I said, if I went out to eat twice a year, I felt special.  And yet, I had a mom that made me play outside.   I had a grandma with a small farm.  I had another grandma with a love of culture and a desire to expose her grandchildren.  I had time to read and run and play and create.  Considering the way many kids are over-scheduled today, or spend hours a day inside playing video games or watching television, I think my childhood was excellent.

I want something similar for my children.  I did okay with the older ones, but I have noticed that it gets more and more difficult to counter all the technology today.  It gets more challenging to come up with unstructured time for kids to be kids.  There is a race in many parents to prepare their children for adulthood, and organized activities seem to be the method of doing so.  I see a lot of parents give their child all the "stuff" that they didn't have when they were children.  The result is that we have children that know how to play baseball and football, but not how to entertain themselves.  We have children that can win their video games and program a computer, but can't cook. I think, as parents, we may have a lot of things backwards in this preparation for adulthood.

This isn't about teaching responsibility.  Chores are still a good predictor of adult success.  This isn't about not disciplining your child.  It is about giving them a freedom to be a child before it is too late.  Most of the memories from my childhood on Grandma's farm or in my backyard at home help to soothe the ones of disappointments or hurts that also occurred in my childhood.  It was a chance to put off growing up too fast, as often happens in children when parents have a rough time.  I can still remember sitting on the hill at Grandma's and watching the sunset over the cornfield.  I can remember the smell of the summer breeze and the sound of the crickets and cicadas.

Part of this blog is about being purposeful in our choices.  How ironic is it to be purposeful about unscheduled time?  Just like being purposeful about spending time together as a family or purposeful about living more simply, it takes being purposeful about giving our children free time to just be.  And while it may seem that children are wasting time when they are building yet another Lego creation or running like little madmen around the park, this is the time when they can simply be children.  They will have their entire adult lives to be grown-ups.