Mamas... Trust Your Instincts!

Mamas, 

Do you trust your instincts?

We call it a gut instinct or a sixth sense.  Maybe it’s mother’s intuition.  I call it the Holy Spirit, trying to speak.  And I ignored His nudging for too long.  Many of us do.

It starts as a feeling.  It’s that, “Something isn’t right” check in our spirit.  It could be about a person, a circumstance, a place.  It might not make sense.  We will rationalize that feeling away in our minds.  We will push that feeling down.  We don’t trust our gut instinct when something feels “off.”

“Give discernment to me, your servant; then I will understand your laws.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:125‬ ‭NLT

I did this.  I ignored that check in my spirit.  I have done it often.  There are multiple reasons, but the simple fact is that I ignored that check because I doubt myself.  I get overly busy.  I want to think the best of people and situations, and I don’t take the time to get quiet, pray, and listen to what God is saying to me.

And when I ignore that check, every time I ignore that check, there is a consequence.  God uses that feeling as a way to warn me, and I often don’t listen.  I had that check before we bought a house, but my husband and I were so desperate for a home that we signed anyway.  We dealt with ten years of a home that was a money pit and ended up making us ill. 

It could be that I’m the slowest learner ever.  When things happen in circumstances where I felt that pull in my spirit, but I ignored it, I always feel that I could have stopped or changed things somewhere along the way...  IF I JUST WOULD HAVE HEEDED THE WARNING.  

Why Don't I Trust That Instinct?

It doesn’t always make sense many times, that gut feeling.  And so, I rationalize in my mind.  Often I don’t even consider that it could be God trying to warn me about something.  I usually just feel that it is my own insecurities or I’m overreacting. And then, as the chips begin to fall, I see a bold, straight line between gut feeling and consequence.  Hindsight is always 20/20.

When I ask myself why I don’t trust that gut feeling that something is off, I realize that I let fear stop me most of the time.  It comes through as “What if.”  What if I am wrong?  What if I I offend someone?  What if I screw up?  What if I’m rejected?  What if people think I’m crazy? What if I make myself even more of an outcast in this crazy, lonely world?  What if this feeling isn’t God?  What if...  what if...  what if...

And so, A pattern develops where I ignore this instinct, the results happen, and then I feel like a failure.  And I doubt myself even more, and I over-analyze everything.

Do I always ignore that feeling?  No.  And when I haven’t, in time, I see how not ignoring that instinct protected me and my loved ones from negative consequences.  This doesn’t mean that I have all the answers or that I wouldn’t face tests in my life if I always heeded that check in my spirit.  It does mean that some of the tough times I have faced in life were a result of me ignoring that spirit check.  It doesn’t mean I brought them on myself, because usually I was trying to do the right thing.

Take the purchase of the money-pit house.  My gut said no.  But my husband and I were told that inspections were completed that, years later, we discovered were never done. 

And many times I am too close to a situation to see clearly.  My instincts may be screaming at me, but since my heart is involved, I don’t want to see what is right in front of me. For all the reasons mentioned above, fear of rejection or hurting someone’s feelings, I keep my doubts to myself.   And then the chips fall, sometimes quickly and sometimes a long while later, and this brings me face to face with what I never intended.

Are these instincts from God?

When my husband and I bought the money-pit house, we weren’t Christians.  But I still had that check in my spirit.  So, for a long time I felt that the feelings I had when something was off couldn’t be from God because I had them before I followed Him.  I would read the Scriptures that talk about the heart being deceitful and I would think, how can I trust myself?  

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

That verse above made me doubt myself, doubt that God was trying to tell me something.  And so, I would over-analyze and reason and usually just end up confused as to why I felt a certain way.

Can We Trust that Instinct?

These last two weeks have opened my eyes to a different reality.  I read the entire chapter of Jeremiah 17, not just verse nine.  The verse refers to the hearts of those that had turned away from God, that weren’t following His ways.  Their hearts are deceitful.  And while all hearts can be deceitful, the Word also says that we are new creations in Christ.  I might not have been walking with Jesus when we purchased a house, but that doesn’t mean He wasn’t trying to speak to me and protect me.  I just didn’t know to listen. 

But as I accepted Him and grew in a relationship with Him, as I walked this path with Him, I clearly saw my own imperfections.  Instead of trusting that God was trying to speak to me and praying about those feelings, I believed that my heart wasn’t to be trusted, that those feelings weren’t to be trusted. 

But if I am walking with Jesus, and spending time with Him, it only makes sense that He would speak to me.  Sometimes He uses the Scriptures.  Sometimes He uses other people.  And sometimes He whispers to my heart or checks my spirit.

This doesn’t mean that I should blindly follow every impulse.  It means I should pray and slow down and make sure the feeling I have is from Him.  If what I am feeling runs counter to His Word, it is not from Him.  Most of the time, however, these gut feelings are not about moral boundaries, but about decisions I should make concerning my family or finances or how close to allow people.  

Never is there a choice that says, “Don’t trust this person, be unkind.”  There might be a spirit check that says, “Something isn’t right here.  Watch your step. Be aware.  Guard your heart.”  Or maybe the spirit check says, “There is a problem here.  Look deeper.”  If we are praying and spending time in the Word of God, we will simply feel something in our spirits that a situation or person is off because God is trying to speak to us.  This is discernment.  And when we feel that feeling, we should instantly go to prayer.  If that feeling doesn’t go away, and what we feel doesn’t violate God’s Word, we should pay attention. 

Feeling that something is off with a person is not the same as being unkind to them or causing hate or bitterness to grow.  God is warning you because He already knows the heart of the other person and might be trying to show you to guard yourself or your loved ones.  It could be that friend of our child that seems great, but something says he or she isn't.  It might be that man we are interested in, that says all the right things, but something tells you that there is more than meets the eye.  It might be that investment that seems perfect, but your spirit says it is too good to be true.

The Consequences of Ignoring that Spirit Check

Feeling and acting on that spirit check in a circumstance that seems to be the right thing shouldn’t be seen as fear of the situation.  I had that spirit check recently and I feared offending someone I love if I trusted that instinct.  This was especially true because this person was trying to help.  The result has been a disaster as everything spiraled out of control.  I felt from the get-go that this was not an area where I should allow anyone to make decisions except me and my husband since it concerned our child.  This had nothing to do with the person helping, but rather a feeling that it was a mistake to pass off any spiritual authority, even briefly.  I ignored that check in my spirit.  Life was chaotic and I ignored that check.  Now we are in a mess.  Miscommunications happened that led to more miscommunications.  As a result, every member of my home is feeling a heavy weight, and we are walking through a dark time, made darker because I didn’t listen to my instinct.  

We talk about how it takes a village to raise children.  The reality is God did not give our children to the village.  He gave them to the parents.  It is not the village, or even the person that we allowed to help us, that are experiencing the ramifications of this time.  Seeking help when needed is not wrong.  And there are times when it might be necessary. But if the “expert” excludes the parents and disrespects their authority, flee.   If the “expert” won’t work with the parents, even for something as simple as appointment dates, flee.  My spirit was sounding alarms from day one, but I ignored it because I had so much else on my plate.  I had so much on my plate because I ignored that spirit check weeks ago that said I had taken on too much.  And when life happened, and we were met with crisis after crisis, I made a mistake.  I didn't handle the situation myself.  A nightmare began at that moment.

We are still in its grip.  It might not end for awhile. And we have to walk through this time, knowing that what should have been a simple matter of seeking help was complicated by our passing off our responsibility, even briefly, while we were already in the midst of overwhelming circumstances that brought us to our knees.

I didn’t trust my instincts.  I ignored the alarm bells.

I had to repent for not trusting what God was telling me.  I had to repent because I knew better, but was simply so overwhelmed with all the chaos that was surrounding me.  And despite loving the person that offered to help, that held the best intentions, I knew it was wrong.  I knew that we often see the world differently, and that while we respect each other's differences and can usually see beyond them because we love each other, these value systems mean that we differ in our approach to very foundational things.  In the end, feeling as if the matter was not even in the hands of my husband and me and we had been effectively cut out in a very short amount of time (even though that was never the intention of the one helping us), watching our child spiral down instead of be lifted up, I knew that I had messed up in a very big way.  Without getting into details, I let someone I trust be a point of contact with a stranger, and that stranger caused a lot of problems. Because I had given someone else the responsibility that should have been mine, a stranger took over a situation in our family instead of helping, as we had requested.  Unintentionally, I had allowed someone that didn't know us, didn't meet us, didn't return phone calls, and then refused to talk with us, an open door into our lives... and she abused that privilege. That won't ever happen again.  All the while, the best of intentions were there, until I realized that the best of intentions were not shared by this stranger.

Fixing the Mistakes

It will take time to fix things.  Months ago I felt that I had over-scheduled myself and taken on too much.  I managed to stay afloat for a time, but that ended with a very sick child.  Since then, instead of feeling like I was treading water, I felt as if I was drowning.  As the waves pummeled me, and another situation seemed to be getting more serious, I reached for help.  I took the first help offered, without prayer or listening to my instincts.  After all, the best intentions were there.  Even the person that offered to help could not have foreseen just how messed up the situation would become in such a quick period of time.  The fault lies with me, for not trusting those instincts.

Lesson learned... again.

Should We Fear Asking For Help?

 Everyone needs help sometimes.  It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help.  There are times in everyone's life when things happen, circumstances spin out of control, and they need help.  We were there.  But, in asking for help, I should have forced issues that bothered me, that ended up causing more problems.  I should have not worried that I would offend someone, even as I was grateful for assistance, and stood up. I should have done a few things differently, but mostly I should have listened when my gut said something was off.

I won't continue to beat myself up for not being perfect.  I won't live in guilt and condemnation for not making all the perfect choices in tough times.  It does no good.  It doesn't help to feel bad because I didn't lessen my schedule when there was no way I could see the things that would happen in the future.  All I can do is learn from mistakes and move forward.  Letting go of hurt and anger and even fear is the toughest challenge, especially since the one I am most upset with is myself.  But that isn't how I am meant to live.  I am meant to live with peace and trust in my Lord, even when it is hard.  I am meant to do the best that I can, pray, listen to what I feel in my spirit, and leave the rest up to the One that holds the entire world.