It’s a tough realization. The awkward woman, the nerd, the one that takes that God-thing too seriously; she will always be different. She won’t fit in. She has tried her entire life and she has failed every time.
And she knows it.
She isn’t surprised by the fact that she doesn’t fit in. It isn’t a shock to her. She has spent a lifetime filling her days with characters in books and other unsocial people, other searchers and dreamers and misfits, that don’t fit in. She doesn’t care about the latest fashions. She puts on a bit of makeup, but it has never been her thing. She has nothing against those that love it, but it simply hasn’t been something overly important to her. She doesn’t choose her purses by if they are the newest rage, or even if they match her outfit or shoes, but by if they will fit the book she is reading.
She spent a long time deciding what she believed, and chooses to learn all she can about what she believes, because she wants to be true to her values. Being authentic is all she knows, because she has spent a lot of time figuring out who she is and isn’t. She could have a brand new outfit, and still find a way to spill coffee on it before an hour has passed. But her book will have a bookmark carefully placed, the pages not creased, even if they are worn.
She sees the groups of women that gather and knows she isn’t one of the group. She smiles, but asks God why He made her different. She has friends, and does well one-on-one, but struggles in a larger group. She’s not shy. She’s not even quiet, really. Just different. She’s too serious, too introverted, doesn’t have enough of whatever the secret ingredient is that naturally draws some groups together.
She doesn’t want it to matter. She doesn’t believe in getting her value from some group. She isn’t worth less because she is different. Right? It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.
She looked for her tribe, only to find that it’s a bit elclectic. This friend shares her love of reading. That one shares the adventure in homeschooling. Another one loves Jesus like she does. They don’t all blend and fit with each other in a cohesive group. They might not even know each other, but she knows them. She loves them. Her tribe looks more like Bible study over coffee, or a long phone conversation, discussing favorite authors, perhaps visiting while they kids play outside. It doesn’t looks like a large group.
It’s then she realizes that she is okay. She might not have a tribe, exactly, but she has connections. She has women in her life that like her for her; awkward, introverted, passionate, serious, quirky her.
She may never be the type to be the center of attention at a party, but she will make the women that come to her the center of her attention when they need a listening ear. She won’t lead a fashion revolution, but she just might lead a friend to Jesus if given the opportunity. She might not have a lot of money, but she will understand what it is to struggle.
She has faced things that most will never face, and she is thankful for that. If her experiences, even the ones that scarred her soul, can help even one other person, she knows Jesus had a purpose in it.
There are a lot of things she is not, and the nots are easy to see. Most don’t look deeper. But she will. She will see past the nots in others because she knows what it is like when others don’t see past what she is not. She will look for what you are. She won’t judge your lack.
She doesn’t always understand why she fights to find acceptance and a place to belong, until she sees another lonely soul that also doesn’t belong. And she knows that very few look for the one in the corner alone that also feel they don’t fit. And, in the body of Christ, people should never feel they don’t fit because God gave them a different personality, gifts that don’t take center stage, struggles that seem overwhelming, or maybe even a handicap.
There are many women in the body of Christ that are lonely. There are many women in the body of Christ that don’t fit a mold. There are many women in the body of Christ that feel forgotten. There are many women in the body of Christ that feel disconnected from their spiritual family. There are many women in the body of Christ that feel excluded from the cliques that form.
The elderly lady, the single mother, the widow, the lady fighting for her life, the woman with no money for dinner let alone new shoes, the introvert, the one that has to work all the time, the one with little children and no sitter, the one that has spent more weeks with her loved one in a hospital room than in her kitchen. The list goes on...
The body of Christ is full of people that need Jesus, that are facing struggles too overwhelming to bear alone, but feel alienated from their spiritual family for one of a thousand different reasons. I fear as a Christian woman that I am failing those women. I know what it feels like to be alienated because I don’t fit the mold. I know what it feels like to face the same challenges in church as I faced in the world. I know what it feels like to see happenings among the women at church on social media, but not be invited to be a part. I know the feeling of, “I thought Christians would be different.”
I want to beg Christian women to be different from other women. I want to tell them to look around and find the ones that you can bless with your time, your attention, your inclusion. Find the gifts in those that don’t outwardly show them. God placed them there, I guarantee. Don’t play favorites. Yes, have friends. Have women you can pour into and women that can pour into you. But also look for the ones that maybe you wouldn’t normally seek out. Find out about them. Make them feel as if their presence matters, as if they have value.
You may be surprised at the treasure you find in the one that doesn’t fit.
Please, don’t be ordinary. Women of God need support and fellowship. The world offers a lot of ordinary. Women need Godly women to have their back. The world has offered plenty of women that will stab them in the back. The world offers social clubs. They don’t need another place that plays favorites or another group to be excluded from. They need to feel as if the value God gave them is enough for His people, His daughters.
It’s time to show appreciation for the women that are the prayer warriors, at least in equal measure to the ones that have attention-garnering gifts. It is time to honor the women that reach out to the least of these, not just to the ones with which they have the most in common. Very simply, if Christian women feel they don’t fit, that they don’t matter much to the other women in their church, how in the world can that church show Jesus to a woman that is dealing with substance problems or was abused or is homeless or is TRULY among the least of these?
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