Everyone has some sort of knowledge that life is fragile. I am blessed beyond measure. My family has faced some very hard times. My husband said goodbye to his dad when God took him home early. Grandparents have gone home.
No parent should out-live their child. We have nearly lost a couple of our children more than once. I can’t explain God’s will or His plan. Five years ago today, this day took on a different meaning.
It was a one-car accident. We came upon it after a trip to town. Emergency services hadn’t arrived yet. It was us and a neighbor. My husband and the neighbor went to see if they could help. They couldn’t. There was nothing they could do.
In a moment a local girl, a classmate of my daughters, was gone. I instantly thought of her family, her parents. Her funeral would be on Christmas Eve. Every year, on December 20th, I wake up and remember. I remember a young girl with her entire life ahead of her, gone, and the emptiness left in her absence.
I remember that this Christmas, I will celebrate with my beautiful daughters. After this last year, when a child again was so sick she was in the ICU more than once, I know that this life is fragile and temporary. I remember the smile of that beautiful girl that was lost that day, and I get a small glimpse of the loss that family, those parents, must still feel.
And I am grateful that I know Jesus. I know that this fragile, temporary life is not the end. I know that, whether long or short, life here is a vapor in the wind. I am blessed to have my loved ones with me for a holiday, never knowing what the next year could bring.
I know I could never be ready to lose a child. No parent could ever be ready. In a prayer request box on social media I see so many praying for loved ones that sick and dying. Young and old, illness and death doesn’t always discriminate. It is tempting to see the suffering and grief and believe that God could fix things, He could stop the loss and heal the broken. It is tempting to be angry with Him for not doing so.
Such is the nature of this broken, cursed world. God can heal, and sometimes He does. God can protect, and often He does. Then there are times He doesn’t, and we want to know why. I don’t claim to have those answers. Seeing the harshness of the world, it is tempting to be angry with Him for not healing the one we love.
It’s hard to see the suffering and believe that God is good. How many have walked away because they feel let down by God because of circumstances and tragedies?
I would like to think that my faith is stronger than that. I would like to think that I would turn to God and trust Him, believe that He is good and He has a good plan, even in the midst of loss and pain and grief. I realize that I can’t say that because I haven’t been there.
I have prayed at the bedside of a child that had a machine breathing for her. I have begged God to let her stay. I have prayed as a life-line helicopter flew away with my child inside, after a doctor told me she might not survive the flight. I begged God during that entire drive to the hospital where that helicopter landed to let her stay.
My children are still here. And yet a young woman with no health issues died tragically and instantly in a car accident. I can’t explain why. Life is fragile and precious, and God’s plans are not for us to understand.
I still remember in detail the day five years ago when a family experienced every parent’s worst nightmare. That day serves to remind me to cherish the moments, to be grateful for what I have, and to trust God, even when it doesn’t make sense. I pray for the family that experienced such loss to have peace, the peace that only Jesus can give.
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