Chaos. Complicated. Tense. Busy. These were words that filled my life. At times, they still do. I am diligently pushing to limit them. While I still have a busy schedule at times, I have learned that the chaotic life I have lived in my past made me ill.
In America, there is an epidemic of autoimmune issues in women. Many of these are linked to hormones. While there are many causes, such as diet and genetic factors, one factor is lifestyles. We women like to push ourselves to do and have everything. The stress builds and builds, flooding our system with cortisol and adrenaline, damaging our bodies over time.
I did this to myself. I let situations, many of which were out of my control, get to me. I stressed about whether I was doing enough in homeschooling. I stressed about our meager finances. I stressed about my children's health... with good reason. I stressed about the safety of a child in danger. In fact, it consumed me. I stressed about conflicts with loved ones. I stressed about how to fix the house that we had bought that had turned out to be a huge money pit and was making us sick with an unseen mold issue. I over-scheduled myself, and lived a stressed-out existence of trying to do it all. I stressed... and stressed and stressed... until I started developing health issues.
Now, as this middle-aged Mom of five and grandma to one, I can't do the stress. When life begins to pile in the stress now, my body doesn't respond well. I get anxiety. I break out in hives at times. I feel unwell as muscles ache and blood pressure rises.
And so, the last couple of years have brought about a desire in me to simplify, to reduce stress. I am slowly reducing clutter. I have downsized my responsibilities. I signed up for college, which actually increased my responsibilities, but is also me chasing a dream I have had for years. I am purposely trying to slow down. I am purposely giving stuff to God in prayer instead of thinking I can fix it myself if I just try hard enough.
Because I can't fix it... whatever or whoever it is (yes, I said who). Most of the things I long to fix are not my responsibility to fix.
Busy is glorified and worshiped in life. It's as if so many people know that they only have one life, and so they fill it with chasing after all they can. They chase after stuff and fill their lives with things. And then they find that their health is not what it should be, and one problem becomes two and three. I have done that. I don't want that any longer. I don't want to be so busy that I hurt my loved ones because I don't have time for them. I don't want to be so busy that I miss moments that are timeless.
I had the career when I was younger that took me away from loved ones. I have been the one focused on all the injustice that I wanted to fix. I have been the one doing, doing, doing until I had nothing left inside me because I never got the opportunity to refill and refresh. I have been the one worried about what others think of me, to the point that I was deeply wounded when I discovered that they didn't think of me much at all. I've reacted in anger, consoled myself with food, and lost myself in the hope that if I was different somehow I would be found worthy in the eyes of others.
Let me tell you, I wasn't. I wasn't the first one picked to hang with most of the time. But those few friends that I have developed over the years? They are life-long, no matter the physical distance between us. They are usually introspective and a bit introverted... like me.
The good news is that many others are seeing life the way I am seeing it. They have done the busy, stress-filled life, and bought the things, and have found themselves empty. They have weathered economic downturns and realized how quickly all their work for things could be gone like chaff in the wind. They have made themselves physically ill with their lifestyle.
Of course, not everyone has learned these lessons. Some still believe material things are the blessings of God. They don't say it, because they know it sounds ridiculous, but they live it. But you know what? I don't care. I don't have to fix them or make them agree with me. I am not going to stress about it (see? I can improve!).
A simple life is a beautiful thing. When we stop glorifying busy and start being thankful to God for what we have, content to live a slower life, filled less with stuff and less doing and less stress, and more relationships and more real food and more prayer and more laughter and more trust in God, then we will find our true life. For me, as for many, this is about my health. It is about my mental ans spiritual health, but also about my very physical health. I know that if I don't do this, I will get sicker and sicker.
Because I can't fix it... whatever or whoever it is (yes, I said who). Most of the things I long to fix are not my responsibility to fix.
Busy is glorified and worshiped in life. It's as if so many people know that they only have one life, and so they fill it with chasing after all they can. They chase after stuff and fill their lives with things. And then they find that their health is not what it should be, and one problem becomes two and three. I have done that. I don't want that any longer. I don't want to be so busy that I hurt my loved ones because I don't have time for them. I don't want to be so busy that I miss moments that are timeless.
I had the career when I was younger that took me away from loved ones. I have been the one focused on all the injustice that I wanted to fix. I have been the one doing, doing, doing until I had nothing left inside me because I never got the opportunity to refill and refresh. I have been the one worried about what others think of me, to the point that I was deeply wounded when I discovered that they didn't think of me much at all. I've reacted in anger, consoled myself with food, and lost myself in the hope that if I was different somehow I would be found worthy in the eyes of others.
Let me tell you, I wasn't. I wasn't the first one picked to hang with most of the time. But those few friends that I have developed over the years? They are life-long, no matter the physical distance between us. They are usually introspective and a bit introverted... like me.
The good news is that many others are seeing life the way I am seeing it. They have done the busy, stress-filled life, and bought the things, and have found themselves empty. They have weathered economic downturns and realized how quickly all their work for things could be gone like chaff in the wind. They have made themselves physically ill with their lifestyle.
Of course, not everyone has learned these lessons. Some still believe material things are the blessings of God. They don't say it, because they know it sounds ridiculous, but they live it. But you know what? I don't care. I don't have to fix them or make them agree with me. I am not going to stress about it (see? I can improve!).
A simple life is a beautiful thing. When we stop glorifying busy and start being thankful to God for what we have, content to live a slower life, filled less with stuff and less doing and less stress, and more relationships and more real food and more prayer and more laughter and more trust in God, then we will find our true life. For me, as for many, this is about my health. It is about my mental ans spiritual health, but also about my very physical health. I know that if I don't do this, I will get sicker and sicker.
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