My Grandmother was a quiet lady. She had a quiet faith. She was plain about what she believed, but she was the kindest lady I've ever known. Her faith was blatant, a part of her, but she didn't use it as a weapon to hurt others. When she was upset with someone, she didn't tell them or others that they weren't "real" Christians. She was humble, knowing she was flawed in her own self, and depending on God to change her heart. Her prayer list showed that she did many of her battles on her knees.
She was human and made mistakes, but her love for Jesus was clear. She would be sad about some of the circumstances that have arisen in our family over the last few months. She would, perhaps, not agree with my decisions. But she would love me anyway, and she would pray. That is most important. I always knew she was praying for me.
In this age of flashy, of collecting likes, shares, and people on social media, it seems strange to think of a quiet life. And yet, the Bible is clear that we should make it a goal. Why? Perhaps it is because, like the example set by my grandmother, a quiet life of faith is one that is steady, not dependent upon the ups and downs of circumstances. A quiet life is one that finds its strength in God, not in how many people agree with my lifestyle. A quiet life is counter of what is popular today.
I understand loud. I have five daughters, and when they were younger, quiet was not something that happened often. I would love the late evenings, when they were all finally in bed, and I could have a few moments of quiet. Even today, when the family goes to bed, I take a bath and read and embrace the quiet. My girls are nearly all grown now. When we all get together, it isn't quiet. It is full of laughter and talking and even some healthy debates. No, it isn't quiet. But the chaos is time together, enjoyed and full of love. This loud is loud from external, and not the same as the loud that I think God speaks against.
That is not the same kind of loud as the loud life that comes from inside. A loud life is full of noise, but it is also full of striving and desperation and wounds and ups and downs. It's full of fears and anger. The loud life is sometimes loud within, from within relationships to within the heart and mind. I've lived the loud life. I've had enough drama to last five lifetimes. While I can't control the actions of other people, I don't want my heart and mind to be full of noise and chaos, causing health issues.
I much prefer the quiet life, quiet inside, resting in Jesus, feeling His presence, grateful for my blessings. There are many reasons, I am certain, that the Bible encourages us to make a quiet life a goal. One of those reasons is so that I don't have to depend on others (verse 12). While I am sure that working steadily brings about a financial security, I personally believe there is much more in this verse. I think a quiet life, with a steady quiet faith, leads to reliance on Jesus, for acceptance and validation and fulfillment, not relying on other people that often can't give to you what you need because they are desperately seeking it themselves.
A quiet life has become my goal. It was a goal that God stated clearly in His Word we should strive to achieve. Deep breath.... I can do this... I can close my eyes, breathe in His presence, and thank Him for my blessings. I can give myself a break, that wounded, loud girl within. I can give her the grace and mercy that she needs while she lets go of hurts, heals wounds, learns to set boundaries, and forgives herself for seeking from other people what only God can give. I can give that girl a lot of love and time, because she needs it, because God loves her, and because, despite the loud in her overthinking mind, she didn't deserve to be treated as disposable.
So many times a quiet life seems boring. My goals are still there. I still have dreams. But instead of a desperate need to fill a bucket before life is over, it is more like a journey. I don't have to strive so hard to get, get, get. I don't have to fill my life with background noise. I just have to keep steady, work diligently, and understand that the quiet life is like a good book. Yes, there are plot twists. There are chapters that fill you with joy and laughter. There are chapters where the tears flow from heartbreak and despair. God is a master storyteller.
Quiet isn't boring. It is peaceful. And, as I sit beside my daughter, reading her a chapter of the read-aloud we are sharing, or making dinner for my family, or sitting in the evening with a cup of coffee and a good book, the quiet life seems much bigger than the loud life, because it opens up such a large space in my heart and mind. Perhaps this is the season I am in now, where I am done striving and feeling desperate. Perhaps I am tired of the tension and strife that comes from unhealthy relationships where I change myself over and over to be accepted and validated and respected, and failing miserably over and over. I just can't do that anymore.
My heroes aren't the movie stars that seek fame and personal glory. My heroes are the beautiful women that loved me and pursued me, steady in their love, faithful to God. My dream romance isn't the man that makes millions and can sweep me off my feet. My dream romance is the husband that works steadily to provide for his family, that comes home to me and his children every night, that holds my hand as we drive down the street, and teases me about my curls trapping his fingers as he brushes the stray tendrils from my face before leaning down for a sweet kiss. I have that in reality.
I'm not ambitious anymore. I have seen the sneaky bondage of ambition, the selfish motives people often use in the name of God. I long to be genuine, to have roots that grow deep in God. The thing about roots that most people don't consider is that roots are unseen. They are hidden. They bring steadiness and strength to the plant, to what is seen, but they aren't noticed unless they are dug up. I was always surprised, when gardening, just how deep the roots were and how strong they became. It took a lot of work to dig up a well-rooted plant. That is what I long for... being well-rooted. When the storms come, when others try to rip up my life, it will fail because my roots are deep and strong and stable. They grew that way in the unseen, in the steady, in the quiet.
My heart over the last few years has changed. Give me the quiet life.
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