Taking care of yourself means different things to different people. Some think it is about some pampering, with pedicures or spa days. I think that is wonderful if you can afford to do so. Some want to travel. Some work out and drink more water. Some gather a group of their friends and paint the town red. All of these things are great if they are what fills you.
My personality is what is key to taking care of myself. Different personalities fill up in different ways. We find different things feed our souls. For instance, I don't mind hanging out with friends, but large groups wear me out. They drain me. I can be in a group for awhile, but eventually I need to get away. For me, hanging out with one or two people, having conversations over coffee, is better. And even then, it is not something that I feel the urge to do constantly.
Life can get stressful very quickly. Tough times sometimes come, and though you tell yourself it is just a chapter of your book, the chapter seems to be long and exhausting. Life sometimes happens in this way because it is a marathon, not a sprint. The battles we face, the trials that we think might take us under, sometimes keep going for awhile... much longer than we ever dreamed possible. The key is to take care of yourself in the midst of the tough times.
For some, this is not a natural instinct. Some personalities (all us empaths) naturally are attuned to meeting the needs of others around us first. We will put off our needs to help those around us that we love. Sometimes doing so even feeds us a little because we are serving, and serving is a priority for us. Eventually, however, we can run dry and the weight of the world falls on our shoulders. Slowly, I am learning to set boundaries for myself, to take care of me so that I can take care of others.
What works for me might not work for someone else. Know yourself. Know what feeds you. The key for me was learning about my personality (INFP). I learned about how God wired my brain. I took the silly tests and read the books and articles, and discovered that it is okay if the ways I take care of my soul and meet my needs are different than what works for others. What works for me might actually be more stressful to someone else. The reverse is also true. What works for someone else might seem like torture to me.
Soul care... filling up so that I can give to those around me... this is vital, and never more than during tough times. I want to put what works for me, but that isn't necessarily what works for everyone else. I hope that what works for me doesn't inspire others to copy me, but to be inspired to look inward and discover what works for them.
How I feed my Soul:
Quiet
I love quiet. After years of a busy home with five daughters and their friends, I didn't think that quiet was something I would have. My youngest daughter talks from the moment she wakes until she finally falls asleep. It is still sometimes rare, even though most of my children have grown, but I purposely seek to find it. For years, even when I had those rare times of being alone, I always had noise happening. I would switch on the radio or the television for the background noise. Now, I enjoy not having background noise. I have found that quiet is peaceful. I enjoy a cup of coffee with only the birds singing outside. My mind stops running a hundred miles an hour when I find quiet time, and I am able to simply be. It is in the quiet that I can talk to God. It is in the quiet that I can push aside all the stress and trials and breathe. It is here, in the quiet, that I can process the wild thoughts that tend to run chaotically through my brain. It is here, in the quiet, that I can soften my soul and find some rest.
Reading
I am a reader. That has been a fact since I was a young girl. Reading gives my mind a place to go and something to do other than think about the stuff that is happening in life. Let's be honest, one of the most difficult things in tough times is the battle in the mind. Any other over-thinkers out there? I have escaped from my mind by vegging in front of a tv and binge-watching Netflix. Sometimes that helps, especially if my brain has been busy all day with college classes and needs a passive activity for awhile. But reading isn't passive. Reading fills my soul. Each book that I dive into feels like a secret between me and the universe, a trick where I get to briefly live a different life. I get to experience things that are far removed from my life as it is currently. Sometimes, I get to live a life that is far removed from most of our reality. Anyone that has ventured through Narnia or hid in a wall with the Borrowers knows that there is something special about places or perspectives that are not our own. Sometimes, during tough times, the best way to get through is to not focus on it quite so much. There is only so much we can do, at times. So much is out of our control. For those of us that will drive ourselves crazy with overthinking, distracting our minds can be a great blessing. And occasionally, God will lead us to books or a story that gives us encouragement during the tough time.
Writing
I process information by writing. When I read an assignment for school, I am usually writing. When I hear a sermon at church, I take notes. When I want to remember something, I write it. And when my thoughts are running wild and bouncing off the walls of my brain, writing sorts them out and processes them. This is me. I know that others aren't wired this way. I have probably deleted a hundred blog posts. I wrote them and processed what I was feeling while writing, and felt there was no need to post. Sometimes my writing is a way to sort what is in my heart and mind. When I am done, I often see that it isn’t what God would have me share with the world. I journal, and journal, and journal. Sometimes the speed of a keyboard is more expedient in the processing of my thoughts. Sometimes, writing it all out longhand is best. It all depends on my thoughts at the moment.
My husband will decompress by playing music or diving into a project that usually involves working with his hands. That is his personality. One of my daughters will draw. That is her way to decompress. I have friends that will call up and chat for an hour as a way to decompress. For me, if I want to make sense of my thoughts and my feelings, I must write.
For a long time I didn't understand this about myself. I would run into problems with my mouth because I would talk too much to the wrong people, just trying to process the myriad of thoughts and feelings. My jumbled thoughts and feelings would come out wrong, especially if I was upset. I would cause more problems. Most people couldn’t understand that I was just trying to process in a brain that moves very quickly through emotions I feel very deeply. Of course, if I didn't understand, it makes sense that others wouldn't understand. When I began writing more and with purpose, journaling and copying Scripture and blogging about more than homeschool goals, I began to understand this part of my personality. I have to have an outlet, and the healthiest one for me is to write.
Study
This is where I lose people. This seems an odd addition to the list about soul care. I am not normal. I enjoy learning. I enjoy studying. I love to pursue my passions, diving in and learning everything I can about them. I am in college part-time, and get a little disappointed in myself if I don't put all I have into each subject. While college can be stressful, learning is not. I find that my brain comes alive when I am excitedly pursuing something of interest. I retain so much more when the topic is something that I feel a curiosity to learn. I always assumed that I was strange, and many people have made me feel that I am definitely odd because I enjoy this. However, I have come to see it differently.God talks to me when I study. Yes, He definitely speaks through His Word. Studying the Bible is one of my favorite things to do. But He also speaks to me when I study other things. God doesn't classify some things as His and others as secular. The world is His and all that is in it. So, when I am studying about myths and legends in my Child's Literature class, I can see how the power of story can be used to paint Godly truths, such as what Jesus did when he taught using Parables. When I am studying personality, whether Myers-Briggs or Enneagram, I can see how God gave such great variety to His people, and we are all still in the image of Him.
Most people link "study" to school. For me, it is just how I feed my mind. I have a big imagination. I can escape into my own world very quickly. I believe in being authentic. Learning about the world around me feeds the world inside me. I am very much "in my head" most of the time. I read once that prayer is how we talk to God, study is how He talks to us. I have found this to be true not only in studying the Bible or theology, but in studying nearly anything. It may seem odd to say that studying feeds my soul, but in a strange way, it does. I get a sense of fulfillment when chasing down information.
Alone
Of all the things that fill me, I have found I need time on my own most of all. I have come to closely guard my alone time. In part, alone time allows me to do all of the above. I homeschool, so alone time is often in short supply. When I have a chance to just be on my own for a bit, I jump at it. Whether it is an hour at the library or time in the bath each evening, I strive to find time to be alone. This is the personality of an introvert. We need alone time to recharge. When the weather is nice, I love to take long walks, just me and my headphones. Sometimes I play an audiobook or a podcast. Occasionally, I just put them in my ears so others don't feel the urge to strike up a conversation, and I walk and walk. It's wonderful. I love going hiking with my husband. We might talk, but often we are just enjoying time together, hiking and looking at the scenery. In this way we can be alone together. He's more introverted than me and this is one thing we both enjoy.
A Marathon, not a Sprint
Tough times don't have to mean that you can't take care of your soul. In fact, during the tough times, it is probably more important to do so. Yes, it is important to take care of your physical body. Get some exercise, eat healthy, and get plenty of rest if at all possible. Take care of your spirit by staying in touch with God. Spend time with Him in prayer and in His Word. Let Him flood you with His peace. But remember to take care of your soul. Find the ways that feed you and do them if you can. Of course, there are times when that becomes a challenge. Some weeks are more challenging, busier, more stressful than others. In those weeks, you might only get to pray a quick prayer and hope you can take a shower alone. You might not have the time, in some seasons of life, to take a long walk or dive into a good novel. And if you feed your soul by spending time with a group, there may be times when that is impossible due to crazy schedules. Just do your best.
It seems as if the tough times in my life didn't end quickly. Some do, but others linger, sometimes for years, and become a backdrop of life. Health battles aren't often healed quickly. Financial issues can take time to sort out. Relationship problems sometimes need space and work. Whatever the tough time, it is important to feed your soul during. "Life is what happens when you are making other plans." Sometimes, life is what happens when you are trying to get through whatever is in front of you. One day the testimony may be there, and you can look back and see how God brought you through. You can look back and see the little things; the moments with God, the book that brought a smile, the walk in the sunshine, the page of thoughts written haphazardly in a notebook, and know that life is about more than the tough times. Our story, at the end of our lives, the chapters will tell a story far more complex than the tough times. Our story will show how we endured during the trials, who we lifted up, and the inner life that showed our true hearts. We must remember, this life is not a sprint that only contains one hill to climb, it is a marathon with many hills. We have to take care of ourselves along the way.
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